Altered states of consciousness

Been a few, but not that many, since the last one. I'm in MN now visiting Tia and her family. So far the decompression period has been jovial. Both Tia and I relish these languid, irresponsible days. It's been interesting. The forthcoming doom that awaits us has resulted in somewhat strange behaviors on her part. She plays the part of a drapery quite well. I don't mind; I'm not adverse to such affections, except in that they encourage lasciviousness in my mental spaces, which is somewhat difficult to reign in even by prayer. The coming schism will be the ultimate strain test of the masonry we've constructed over the last 9 months. Either God will cause it to withstand the space-time intrusion, or He will allow it to atrophy into non-existence. Either way His will is good, but it's not always easy to really believe that.

Her family enjoys having me around though. The lattermost calls me her "teddybear" and latches on similarly to the foremost. The remainder enjoy having me around for one reason or another -- their "walking stupid human trick" I seem to have become. I've been doing my best to help Pat & Lydia with various things in an attempt to soften the blow of my (in my opinion) lengthy imposition upon their household. I think they're enjoying the assistance...a live-in babysitter/handyman...who wouldn't, I suppose. :-)

I am miserably out of shape. I made a feeble attempt at exercise today and realized that I've been sedentary for far too long. One of my many resolutions for moving to CA will be to settle into a regular exercise regimen. It is wise to make good of the body the Lord gave me while it's still young enough to make good.

These entries tend towards the verbose, so I shall abridge it thusly: Stay tuned for more exciting news.

Moving out, moving on.

Tonight was the EE department's graduation ceremony. I'm not attending the main ceremony because it's too large and impersonal, and my parents don't like huge crowds. So that means I really have graduated now, huh? It didn't feel like much. For some reason these big changes never do. I turned in my last paper this afternoon, said my goodbyes to professors, and made sure I didn't leave anything in the lab. I got a call this evening from Jerry, one of the guys I had a bunch of classes with this year. He's graduating next year due to co-op he just accepted. It was very interesting to hear his message. It was the same things I've been saying to everyone, but it felt so much different to hear it from somebody else.

Most of my things are in boxes or packing limbo. The room's surfaces are being laid bare and they seem slighted to have their furnishings removed. I have a downtempo shoutcast station playing on winamp. It lends an eerie surreality to the process. Of course I'm very tired too, but tomorrow will be another longish day. It will probably take two trips because I have Tia's stuff too. It doesn't seem like I'm leaving UCU for the last time, but then, it didn't seem unnatural to be going to Japan last year. Perhaps this is what it feels like to know you're in line with His will.

It's always more fun to share your feelings late at night. The eve's miasmas and our bodies' circdian rhythms impress a separation from the body on the consciousness. It feels akin to stepping back from yourself and instead observing your actions third person. I wonder how weak one's faculties must be to need drugs for this experience. But that's beside the point.

I formally accepted Lockheed's offer by faxing my acceptance letter to them earlier today. Now my life careens towards a new era: A new place, a new task, a new opportunity to retune my behaviors, eliminate habits I've become dyspeptic of. Nevertheless, it won't be stepping into wholly unfamiliar territory. I have family relatively nearby, and I found out two friends from the department will be close too: one whose folks live in San José now and the other is attending Stanford, not 15 miles to the northwest. Plus, L-M has a great policy for ushering in new hires to the area.

My mind is going to fall apart soon. It's been an interesting ride though, college. My sympathies resonate with mom's; it's hard to believe it's already been four years. My only regret is that I didn't get more involved with the people around me. Guess that's one thing I'll have to change in Sunnyvale. Farewell till my cognition is more coherent.