思い出はいつも甘い逃げ場所

Hey check it out, while randomly sifting through some of my old files, I found a link to the blog I had created to journal my trip to Japan in 2003. Reading the entries brings back a lot of fond memories, but you can tell I was different back then. Maybe it's exaggerated because I remember how I was, but God has done some strange things in me over the years. Well, here it is. It constitutes the rest of this entry by proxy. At least my penchant for long entries hasn't waned much since then. :-D

Lessons on Becoming Emptied

Primary:
Read these two articles first.
Total Surrender
God's Total Surrender to Us

Secondary:
This is too much for me. I can't attain it. I can't wrap my mind around what is necessary to be that way. Am I that far from God that I can't even conceive of the kind of surrender He asks? I guess all my talk is just that--talk. So much for running the race, I'm having a hard time getting to the starting line. It's somewhere between defiant and incredulous, but if the Lord expects such things of me, He's gonna have to effect them Himself. I have to give up before I even try; I don't have enough strength to get in position even. I sure hope this isn't the final outcome.

Tertiary:
Lord, I can only seem to think in terms of asking what I can do to be near you. But your methods are so unorthodox. You don't expect doing from me, just surrender to let you do through me. But I can't understand surrender. It seems I need you in order to need you. Such second order desires weary me. If I can't do, what will you do? When will you, or are you already? I imagine your sovereignty includes the perogative to work invisibly. I'm sorry, but I don't like that. I "need" to see results, or I don't believe. Seeing is believing, so they say. Please help me to go it the other way around, as you desire of me. Amen.

Who? What? Which? Why? Who? When? Where?

A high of 72 degrees. My favorite shirt. Sparkling clean car. Little snails. Choking fumes of wintergreen. Dry roasted. High-performance Synthetic Oil. No more tears, no more time. Flying on the white earth. Enough to do, but not too much. A sudden desire to speak Japanese. Free amusement park with one person. I'm running out of socks. Simplify, simplify. Communion isn't just for Sundays anymore! The blessedness of NOT being in love. Wide open skies beckon. A solved Rubik's cube. Boards of Canada, et. al. Friends forget those who leave. Dancing for me and the Lord. Nails and hammers and chainsaws, oh my! All caught up. Healthy eating makes a difference. The fortune cookie is WAY too early. Another pair of eyes would be nice. Tune out the squishy thoughts, if possible. O-bento. Oh, boy. Oh man, it's 8 bucks? Is one drink a day too much? I wonder if it's better not to think too much. Freshly made juice. Bad posture. Less knee pain; less $200, no relation. It's for Yucatan. Have I been avoiding you, God? Oh, mou ima desu ka? My insurance company keeps raising my premiums for fun. It's less of an effort to talk with Him, though. Ben is recovering. Parched and sleepy. A bent, wry grin.