Sunday, April 17, 2005

Supercell

I hate romance. I hate all the good feelings that are associated with it. No, that's not quite right. I'm afraid of Romance. I'm afraid of falling in love. And I'm afraid of starting over. I'm afraid of waiting forever too, although it's more tangible and familiar. Romance always just leaves me feeling sad in the end. I need a place to run to, but God keeps taking one step back. It's one of those things I haven't learned He's is better than. Wish I weren't such a slow learner. Wish I didn't try to take care of it myself. Wish in one hand, shit in the other. Either way, both hands stink.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Tears in the Alleyway

I was giving thanks for lunch today, as I'm wont to do now, and I thanked God for being there for me. Then I thought, no, that's not right. So I thanked Him for simply being there. It reminded me of Psalm 139: "Where can I go from your Spirit, or where can I flee your Presence?" etc. etc. Suddenly I perceived myself as being uttely surrounded by God's presence, like being in cool water. My skin formed a boundary, defining my "space" from God's. But that wasn't right either. I was reminded that his Spirit also dwells within me as a follower of Christ. Suddenly the boundary became only a membrane, then seemed to vanish altogether.

I can see where those New Age folks get their nonsense from. In a way, we really are all connected to God, and within everything God is present. The mistake they make is to believe that the presence of God is defined by the presence of the object. Not so, since the object is the creation of God. God's presence defines the object's presense, and without God's presence, the object ceases to be. Somehow I feel like I've mentioned this before. And that's really all I intended to write, but as always, now I'm thinking about it...

It makes me wonder how hell is defined. I've heard it posited that even in Hell, God is present. Verse 8 seems to agree, "...If I make my bed in hell (sheol, the grave) behold, you are there." But it must be that His presence is different. I recall learning that God "turned his back" on Jesus as he hung on the cross. Surely God's presence never left, because Jesus continued to exist. (Besides, how could God be separated from Himself and still exist? Even Jesus argued that point.) It must not be a matter of presence. Perhaps it's a matter of regard. God holds those in hell in different regard. If you're having a drink with your good buddy Officer Mahoney and he sees you get into a car to drive, Mahoney no longer acts like your good buddy, but as Officer instead. Mahoney's presence has not ended, but his regard of you as a decent guy has. I wonder if that's how it is with God. Pity that some are unable to detect that change of regard when they choose to disregard Him.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Touch the Apricot; Watch Nightline

I now have conclusive proof that sugar is bad for you. In a heroic attempt to shift my lagging circadian rhythm to more preferable hours, I've been forcing myself to get up at 6 and making valiant tries to get to bed before 11. As you might expect, I haven't been terribly successful at the latter. The former became easier when I moved my alarm clock out of arms' reach. However, the concatenating loss of sleep is having its effect on me. Additionally, several of my co-workers have been out sick this week, probably from the stress of the design review last week. It was a drain on everybody. There's your context.

Now for the interesting part. Today I attended an informal lunch meeting with Bob Thomson, the VP of my business unit at work. His intention was to get acquainted with the new folk (such as myself) and give us a chance to acquaint ourselves with him as well as ask whatever questions we had on our minds. Contrary to his expectations though, most of us asked questions about the future of our program and how we measure up to our competitors in our market, as well as issues facing aspects of the program now from finances to design.

Lunch was graciously provided: Togo's sandwiches (It's like Quiznos, only a larger menu), chips, and sodas. I drank two pepsis, then found some luscious white cake in the executive area kitchen, where leftovers go from executive briefings and so on, so I took a slice. Within minutes, I began to notice a tingle in the back of my throat. This tingle quickly escalated to the typical burning and swollen sensation of inflamed glands. (My adenoids are always to blame before my tonsils.) By the end of the day I had even achieved the ubiquitous full-body ache which so often accompanies a cold. I drank a bottle of 100% pure premium florida orange juice, but to no effect. When I got home I downed vitamin C, but I fear my efforts are fruitless and vain. I warned my manager that I wasn't feeling well, and he's really cool so he understood. He himself was out sick last week.

If I'm going to get sick, this is a good week to do it, because I have to work this Friday, and it's still two weeks before Yucatan, so I have time to recover. The thing about Fridays is that I technically have every other one off, but I've been working them all to acquire "comp time" which I can use like vacation hours, which I AM using like vacation hours, for the Yucatan trip and also for a vacation to WA.

In case you all are wondering what the "Yucatan trip" is, you have good reason to be confused, since I haven't posted anything about it yet. The jig is up here: I and 18 compatriots from the aptly yclept 20's group (my bible study & fellowship group at church) are flying to Cancun, then venturing on to a remote Mayan village somewhere on the Yucatan Peninsula to assist the local church with construction of their sanctuary. This likely means hauling concrete by hand and working in non-OSHA approved environments. Huttah! Preparing for the trip has been interesting for me.

To be honest, I haven't really thought much about it, other than the duties I volunteered for, which are procuring Scriptures for the trip. My attitude is really open: I'm gonna go, God hasn't prevented that yet, and I'm gonna do what's given to me, and see what happens. I'll leave it up to God to decide what my fate is. If this was a major blunder on my part for not praying my ass off about it, maybe I'll contract Malaria and die. Oh well, I'd get to be with Christ that much sooner, I suppose. I can't really defend the fact that I haven't prayed much about it. That's probably to my detriment. However, I get the same feeling about this trip as I did about going to UW, staying at UCU, majoring in EE, and accepting my job here in CA; that is, it just seemed like the thing to do, and lo and behold it was, and I see that God has been guiding me the whole time, honing my character by and by. So we'll see if this is the same. I'm actually thankful to have such an empty agenda about it, it's rather freeing. Perhaps this is what it means to be in His will: that we can go through our lives doing this and that and not feel any obligations one way or the other, but that God will do stuff through us no matter what it is.

In other news, I've been exceedingly lazy and my hair has gotten quite long. It now comes down just past my eyebrows if I pull it tight against my forehead. That said, I've had to start "styling" it in the morning, which entails me getting it wet, then combing it with my fingers. I've been parting it recently, and folks tell me I look older somehow. I'll let you be the judge. Eventually you'll get tired of my ugly mug and wish I hadn't posted the pictures. Well now you must suffer! Cheerio.