Tuesday, December 28, 2004

And now, your moment of Zen.

How often we take for granted some of the simple pleasures in life, like urination. Nothing feels better than a good pee. Of course we never realize this until we've been stuck in the car for three hours or drunk way to much soda before the movie started.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Stopwatch

In a moment of defeat: synapses lapsing,
The world plays a siren tune, each minute passing,
Pulls you in and pulls you down amid the laughing,
Join the party, join the fun. Pneumatoxin gassing.

Take a ride on the roller coaster marked with flame,
And leave behind your apprehensions of guilt and shame.
Put an end to the uphills and the hard-won gain,
If you go up, you go down, it's all the same.

Gained trust and planted seed feeds on the inner pride,
As I turn in innocence to my unsavory guide.
Convinced that in the end he's really on my side:
"Nevermind the consequences here's where you can hide."

"Take the hit, take the draught, and get yourself high.
For a time we can forget our duties and our lives.
You can trust me to elate if you'll only come nigh.
Today will be a golden day as we touch the sky."


Lured in by devious measure I choose the selfish path,
Discounting all the outcomes and potential aftermath,
Ignore the possibility of injury and wrath.
Spurned and weakened faith drowns in the self-focused bath.

Drinking in the pleasure makes the senses spin,
And for a moment all is focused on the feeling within.
But when the mammon is all spent rational thought can begin,
And what's retained is not the feeling, but reality of sin.


Having had his way he moves on, turns his back, and ignores me.
Nothing left inside but hatred: my own spirit deplores me.
Shattered remains of my decisions lie mocking before me.
Who would have the power to reach down and restore me?

Forgetting for a moment that most costly Grace,
I turn myself away and hide it from the Master's face.
Wishing I could only find my steps again, retrace,
But I'm disoriented here in this consuming place.

Then through the twisted sky above comes one incredible ray.
It pierces through the mist and turns black night into day.
It makes a burning in my eyes and I must turn away,
Until I see a gilded exit; a sure, narrow way.

Bewildered and unsure I step soft into it's light.
Wanting anything but death I let it do what it might,
Agony as I have never felt: the old Adam's fight,
And find that painful though it was my stains are
brilliant white.

As I ascend I see the trap that I was in before,
And find its power wilts, illuminated; tempts no more.
Welcoming arms of a Creator seek only to restore.
And falling on my knees I can do naught but adore.

And onward, ever upward does this steep path climb,
Atop the summit waits Communion with the true Divine,
Who has inhaled every evil, every flesh-made crime,

And every episode is banished in a moment of time.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

...could take the light rail straight to...

My family is here. Glad they made it safely. It is a blessing I had sorely underestimated. Almost makes me wish I weren't living on my own so far away from them. But God brought them down here for Christmas so I'm happy.

The USPS is against me. They delivered Mattia's christmas present on saturday while I was away, but after the concierge closed. Now it's trapped there and we're leaving monday before it opens at 5pm. Alas.

I was sad that I hadn't been able to find any bubble tea places here, in spite of the large asian population. This week I found THREE! One in the mall, which I despise going to because it's always crowded and hectic. I think the people there make it that way psychosomatically. The other two are almost next door to itself in this mini Beijing I found in the form of a shopping center in Milpitas, which is not even 5 miles away. I look forward to enjoying a good bubble tea now and again. By the way, I recommend trying something made with Durian. It tastes sweet, but has a very...er...distinctive aroma.

I have achieved the pinnacle of geekiness. I borrowed "An Introduction to Plasma Physics" from one of my coworkers to read over vacation. I dare you to do worse.

It's midnight and we have stuff to do tomorrow, including more travelling, so I bid thee ado. Please wish us well to the Lord, the freeways are a battleground in the Golden State.

Leave a comment with your favorite equation and I will be much obliged. See y'all in a week.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Which Describes How You're Feeling

I've sought so hard to sustain this gain
Now watch me give this ground away
What can i do but admit I'm in over my head?
Colors fade from blue to dark red
I'm back into a corner by my choices
I'm hearing those same dark voices
At the mercy of my desires helpless, trivial
I'm left with no defenses
Stimulus, response, repeated failures-I'm sick
This sickness fills my senses
But despite my apparent loss I see release
This Stalemate, my peace

Your wilderness is Stalemate
You can't move against me
Stalemate
The walls built around me

But as this theme continues to follow close behind, I see so clearly
If I would only let go of my tendencies
I would know what it is to be free
I can't win when I indulge this fantasy
Reduced as a pawn led to misery
"A little detour won't hurt, let me change you slowly
A moment's pleasure, but you'll owe me."
All encompassing defeat awaits the day
I choose to plunge and embrace this nightmare
But the night has an end and I see you
and you see me as the dawn of the one
Who has adopted my ailment, my sickness
My Stalemate reveals my blindness to my own condition

I'll still run away from six seconds of defeat, six years of agony
I'll still stand at odds with six seconds of defeat, six years of agony

I'm senseless, erode my senses
To fill my day with indulgence which leads to my undoing
I'll never look back, I'll never taste it again.


“Stalemate” by Project 86

Thursday, December 02, 2004

The Vegetable Doxology

Praise God from whom all carrots flow.
Praise him for red beans here below.
Praise him for broccoli and for peas.
Praise him for big garbonzo beans.
Amen.