Life in the upside-down climate

Each season seems to bring with it a certain ethos that serves to define the season in our emotions. For example, winter instills a feeling of introspection and isolation as the cold weather drives us indoors to warm ourselves by the fire on a snowy eve. Summer, on the other hand, encourages us to sit back and appreciate our surroundings or else play in them. The heat anethsetizes our thoughts and allows us to simply enjoy the moment. Spring makes us feel open and adventurous; the world about us teems with life and discovery and young love.

Unfortunately, none of this is present in western Washington today. It is Memorial Day, the tail end of May, but the weather is far from the appropriate combination of spring's charm and life and summer's promise of languid dog days in the sun. It is cool, darkly overcast, and melancholy. The clouds absorb the sun's warmth but do not threaten any storm. On the horizon the clouds break to reveal a slice of the maritime sunset, as if to taunt the land beneath cloud cover.

Overall it has the somatic impression of autumn. The vivacity of nature feels diminished and the air, though soft, is still and disinterested. The indifferent and diffuse light, gradually failing with the evening, carries emotions of regret, apprehension, and the inevitability of diminution.

I cannot comprehend the significance of the relationship between climatic change and our moods. Perhaps it's an explicitly personal thing; I happen to dislike autumn the most. But whether or not my emotional interpretations of each season differ from yours, I'm sure you can agree that the weather deeply affects us, as do all things in God's creation.

It makes me long for something, however, and I'm not sure what. It's as though something desperately needed remains just beyond reach. Or perhaps it's a longing for the past, a grasping at some former pleasure or happiness. Solomon might have resonated with me as I get a deep sensation that this world is vanity and chasing the wind. Furthermore, the same regretful tone with which he composed Ecclesiastes permeates that sentiment. One other interesting thing to note is that this is the exact feeling I always got in the fortnight surrounding the start of each school year. The newness of the school year seemed anachronistic and though the weather drove us indoors, our presence there felt initially amiss. Stories of each one's summer left the air of an experience unfinished or interrupted by compulsory education.

If left to ourselves, though, it's my guess that we would have desired to continue those freewheeling summer experiences to excess until they lost all the flavor of pleasure that made them so enjoyable. In a way, the inevitability of autumn was necessary to cement those events as truly pleasurable. It's that way with all earthly pleasures, though. In order for them to be pleasure, they must come to an end. It is truly stated that "We see dimly, as in a mirror." So much wasted energy is spent on this ball in the pursuit of unending pleasures. If we were given the full measure of orgasmic extacy our narrow minds chase here as often as we think we desire it, it would become so distasteful to us that we would be utterly defeated by it. If there is pleasure in hell, I'm sure this is it. It will take a global shift of paradigm to make us realize that the only true pleasures do not exist in this material realm, but in the spiritual realm: serving and worshipping the Lord. In that realm pleasures do not diminish with time, nor are they required to end. We are fortunate to have Jesus Christ send his Spirit among us so that we may sample these pleasures in our mortality if only we have the courage to try them.

I set out to write a diatribe expressing this unsavory mood, and ended up describing the true nature of our longings. I suppose it only demonstrates that He understands even our grayest emotions and His power can permeate them in spite of ourselves. Lucky us that we cannot stop Him when He feels like making a statement. All we can do is sit back and marvel, then praise Him.

Once affected, now affecting...

Some things God builds into our personalities, for better or for worse. Leave aside the better things for the moment. What purpose do "character flaws" serve? First consider that not all of what we call flaws are truly that. Have you some trait that irritates you at times but has not caused anyone damage? It could be possible that though it is a burden you sometimes bear, that quality might be used by the Spirit to minister to another. Don't despair of such gifts. Rather, seek to use them for doing God's work in the lives of others. I can't tell you how to do it, but there are many who can, not less the Lord himself through prayer.

The second type of flaws are those that cause ill results. God gives us our genes quite without our permission. And sometimes, riding piggyback on our lineage come certain traits which, left to themselves, can cause much harm. For example, severe anger, greediness, a sharp tongue, alcoholism, etc. God will use these things also, but for a different purpose. "All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial." That's slightly out of context, but not misused. So while it's not always your choice to have those qualities, one should take stock of them and consider whether or not they are beneficial. If not, then it's likely that God desires to draw you closer to Himself by challenging you with such quirks. No leader that the Lord chose EVER had it all down pat. Moses was easily angered, Isaiah was unconfident, Jeremiah was easily depressed, as was Paul, David and Solomon had lust problems. Point is, God will use those "thorns in your flesh" to prove your dependence on him. This is not a bad thing; it's a handy reminder of how powerless we are to manage even our own affairs.

Through prayer and healing, we draw closer to God because of our flaws. Then an extension happens, and God recycles them, puts them to work a second time. Once those traits are under God's control, now He turns them around and makes us again ministers to others. The best part is, all the training has already been done, and you didn't even notice. Turns out you can use your own experience with that flaw to assist others who face the same challenges. This works in more circles than just personality, too. Isn't God amazing?

I will tell you something disturbing

Beware the silence of your own thought in the middle of the night. At such times you are susceptable to strange influences. A tired mind is weakened against the powers that covet our minds to devour them. Earlier in the day I originated some words that seemed wise. I present them for your edification; hopefully it's not too confusing.

A quiet mind is a doorway for the devil,
But a peaceful mind will abide in God's presence.

The words presented themselves of their own volition, but Jesus himself told a parable of a man from which a demon was cast. After that he cleaned his house and put it in order, but the demon later returned with seven of his friends and the man's second state was worse than his first. Furthermore, studies and anecdotes abound of the dangers of transcendental meditation, which empties the mind of all thought in an attempt to connect with the "universal consciousness" or "the void." Such concepts are, to me, thinly veiled deceptions at best, if not outright advertisements to invite satan into yourself. He is an entity that seeks to swallow your spirit in his hatred, which is insatiable. Isn't that the hallmark of damnation itself: to forfeit the identity that God gave you in favor of an illusion which consumes your soul? Read the book Perelandra by C.S. Lewis for a fictional supposition of how this might take form. My stomach turns at the thought.

Therefore, don't seek to quiet your mind, rather seek the Peace which passes all understanding. Consider nature as an excellent example. The most peaceful settings are far from the quietest. A summery field or the shore or a forest glen abound with the noises of water, of animals or children at play. Absolute silence is usually indicitave of some impending disaster, like an earthquake, for example. When you find yourself in such a silence, awaken the link between yourself and the Lord and be reassured by his immediacy.

One other interesting side effect of being too tired is that you begin to hallucinate. This is not abnormal, as you can find out in any psychology course, only most people don't recognize having hallucinated because the images are always very brief, no more than a "frame" of mind-time, if you will. I always recognize them, but I can rarely discern what the image was. The memory of it dies quickly without reinforcement.

Well, that's all for now. I'm too tired to write more.

Something wise, something foolish

I've been wrestling with the notion that I'm obligated to fill this in on a regular basis. Might require 20 lashes to purge myself of it.

I present to you a haiku of my own composition:

山上で立つ
陣風吹きの方
人生が通る

I stand on the mountain top, as the gusts blow, so life passes by.

I, wine, have completed my demarcation

Nothing beats a thunderstorm. God manifests Himself quite strikingly within them. The intense energy and heat of lightning and the profound rumbling of the thunder speak of His majesty and might. The wind blows furiously then subsides, ascribing sovereignty and mercy to Him who directs it, and the rain that falls returns life to a creation marred by the fall. If I'm ever in need of something to marvel about God, nature is right there to impress me. You may not see it from my point of view as, an engineer. All I see surrounding me is an immense system comprised of an infinite number of subsystems from the spinning of the cosmos down to the stuff that comprises what comrpises elementary particles. The hallmark of good design is how well a system works with the systems it interfaces with, and the interface is flawless in every system I examine. It's a pitiful waste of intellect to attempt to compartmentalize all that, dissect it and categorize it, then try to say that it all happened by chance. It's absolutely absurd, yet patently so I suppose.

Ahh, the quarter is coming to a close at last. Got one quarter-long assignment out of the way, got a final project that seems fairly easy, and the final project doesn't seem insurmountable except for getting good results. But I guess if we can show them that we tried, that's good enough. Research projects aren't always successful.

Eagerly awaiting word from Lockheed Martin about the EME position. It's in His hands, however, so I'm doing my best to assume I didn't get the job so that I have to trust Him fully with that area of my life. It's one of two that I tend to have trouble losing control of.

Had an amazing talk with Tia last night, very refreshing. I'm thankful that we're still able to have lengthy discussions about everything. Such communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantically inclined or not, but especially in the former sense.

Feeling particularly profound today, quite a switch from the dismal introspection of yesterday. It's baffling that our emotions can be so instable, but we're only human. Perhaps that is why people find it difficult to believe in God, they can't see past the haze of their own perception. I heard a man on campus mentioning that he was becoming increasingly atheistic lately. I recognized him, a friend of Tia's from TS, and it made my heart turn. Then an interesting thought came to me: perhaps people are more prepared to force themselves not to believe in a God than to belive in a God they can't control. There again is that inability to understand anything beyond what we perceive. I believe that ignorance is chosen, not innate. What a shame so many choose it.

Feelin hot hot hot

So yesterday I consented to attending a salsa dancing introduction thing with Tia hosted by the Spanish and Latin American Studies departments. It was fun in the sense of learning about something new, but I don't think I'll be having more to do with Salsa in the near future. The few beginners' steps that we learned weren't too difficult, but it still felt awkward to dance with someone when I'm so used to dancing solo. Aside from that, everything was just a little too sensual for me at this point in time. But it does look like something that would be fun to learn in a more allowable context.

The end of the quarter is crashing in upon me. Homework is becoming less interesting and more concentrated, and the research project I'm in is still moving very slowly. I've also got graduation related activities to attend to as well as flying out to MN after the quarter's out, and waiting to hear from Lockheed Martin. It's now fortunate that I had to drop Japanese for that one research credit, although it means the project gains extra significance, and I'm still less than enthused about it. Well, it's all in God's hands anyway so I shouldn't be worrying about it. Wish I could make myself realize that a little more wholeheartedly though.

Wonder if I'll ever get to bed on time on a Sunday night. It's 12:30 and no signs of bed yet. *sigh*

What's your name again? Schkrzphthlczch? Is that Polish?

I'll give you a little context, but only a little.

I'm a senior in EE at the University of Washington, graduating in June. I need a job with which to pay loans and other things. Wednesday I flew down to San Jose, CA to interview for a position at Lockheed Martin.Thursday was the interview. I'm not really sure how it went because it hardly felt like an interview: it was incredibly laid-back. They asked me a few interview sort of questions but mostly talked about their field, which I was cool with. I did get a chance to go to lunch with the guys I met with and see their office area. The job sounds fascinating, challenging, and important, as well as being in a growing discipline. I guess I'll find out what they thought of me in a week or so. It's all God's will from here out so we'll see what He has in mind for me. It's tough to rely on Him even when there's nothing I can do about things, which is most of the time.

I'll add more context as necessary, but the majority of you already know me.

My latest pursuit is called undertone singing. It's basically the opposite of overtone, or harmonic singing. In overtone singing, you sing a fundamental then modulate your oral cavity to produce resonating harmonics. I'm fairly adept at that, although I haven't really put it to focused use. Undertone, or subharmonic singing, requires the exact opposite though: one must produce a resonance at frequences which are fractions of the fundamental. This seems to be accomplished by causing a fold of tissue which resides just above the larynx to begin oscillating. The oscillation happens by the pressure waves created by the vocal folds themselves only this other tissue fold has very few controlling muscles so it relies primarily on the vacuum produced when the vocal folds slap together. Anyway, Joel and I have heard it demonstrated down to f/5, which sounds incredibly trippy, but darn cool! If I can get that going then there's a chance I'll be able to sing three notes at once. Nifty eh?

This is a test of the Unicode system...this is only a test.

日本語でタイプをして見ています。送った事ができましたか？

Wonder what's next.

Blog Fever Sweeps UCU!

No, it's not venereal disease. This is a Christian house, you pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter! But apparently, everyone is signing up for these things right now or already has one so I joined the crowd. I know, not much like me to follow a crowd but I had one of these before when I was in Japan and I kept people updated rather than emailing everyone. So if you're reading this to find out what I'm up to, it's probably because I sent you here. Woe betide you. Of course I'll keep you updated on my life, but expect some less than intelligible content. Enjoy.